I don’t watch the award shows. However, I do seek out the outfits. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the craft that’s being celebrated and accoladed, it’s that I don’t watch televised events like it’s 1996, because it’s 2019 and the Internet delivers all the goodies to my smart phone in pictoral form without the nuisance of commercials and commentary. Ain’t nobody got time for that. That being said, I do have time to sift through a 92 picture slideshow, so that I can personally judge every Oscar look that walked the red carpet.

I have some favorites and some thoughts. First of all, Billy Porter wins this award season. Period. Holy velvet tuxedo gown, Batman! I mean...way to shut it down. Imagine someone bringing down the house before the event even begins. That’s Billy Porter this year. I have to say, seeing pictures of him riding in the back of a golf cart with his entire Christian Siriano gown gathered up around him triggered some old prom memories of me in my giant black tiered and trained Jessica McClintock gown. I too needed to be transported via golf cart in my extremely tailored voluminous dress. I support a garment that requires all the space of an open air back seat.

Another favorite from the night was Awkwafina’s shimmering lilac colored Dsquared2 suit with giant neck bow. At first glance I thought she was wearing Gucci, if she’d had a massive pair of rhinestone-rimmed glasses, I would have had no doubt. Regardless of who made it, it’s a glorious suit. I always think it’s interesting when a celebrity uses an entire designer’s runway look. Part of me respects the stylist’s desire to honor the designer’s vision, but the other part of me finds it lazy. Who am I to judge though really, I’m sitting here wearing the same buffalo plaid flannel that I slept in last night. I’ll probably sleep in it again tonight, too. It’s comfortable as hell, and helps me cut down on the heating bill. YOLO.

In the spirit of YOLO, I have to mention Jenifer Lewis. Easily one of the most interesting and entertaining people to exist, in any realm, she does not cease to wow on the red carpet. This year she wore a bright coppery, shawl collared, two piece outfit with bedazzled shoulders. Oh, and it had pockets. I believe I noted a pair of sparkly, silver buckled Manolos also. That Jenifer Lewis is for real.

I also really loved JLo’s shattered disco ball dress. Tom Ford is always a winner in my book. I love that it covered her completely from neck all the way down to the floor and it was still stunning and feminine without being revealing at all. I think that the Oscars are a great showcase for modesty and glamour. It’s a time for throwback glam and nods to prior looks, like Lady Gaga channeling Audrey Hepburn and even sporting the same mega yellow Tiffany diamond. If you’re walking around with almost 130 carats around your neck, you really don’t need a golden statue to prove you're a winner—but she won the award anyhow—just to remove all doubt.

I found it rather fitting to see so many pink gowns and velvet suits to round out our Valentine month. So many actresses walked the red carpet looking like expertly wrapped V-day gifts, well heeled and topped with a bow, to let us know their presence is a present. My kind of people. Le sigh...until next time, red carpet watchers...I guess it’s time to go creep the Vanity Fair party looks.

Linda Cardellini in Schiaparelli

Jenifer Lewis, JLo and Awkwafina, stunting on us all

Oscar fits 2019