Kanye West once rapped, “I got a problem with spendin’ before I get it.”  Well, that makes two of us, Ye.  They say the universe will provide, but American Express will front you until it does.  I suppose looting and pillaging is also an option, but don’t expect to be asked back.  As it turns out plundering is heavily frowned upon in decent society.

Do you find yourself worried about your expenditures?  Don’t be.  Remember that last two years of our lives we spent lurking behind plexiglass, and teaching ourselves how to cook because it was the only option that didn’t include eating in the streets?  I’m guessing we were able to sock away some cash during that global time-out.

While it’s entirety possible that I have a parasite in my brain encouraging me to live my very best life, funding be damned, it may also be that I’m tired of the low key lifestyle I’ve been afforded for the past couple years and I’m cranking it up to 11 to compensate

Perhaps I’m a terrible enabler.  Or, maybe I just want company.  My Visa is so hot it feels like an overworked IPhone clinging to the end of its battery life.  There are sparks coming off my PayPal every time I clear a shopping cart for landing on my front step.  I like to believe I’m stimulating the economy, one vintage item at a time.

I pose a literal and metaphorical question for you: Would you rather dine on the brunch buffet at the Ritz Carlton or take a table for two at the Golden Corral?  One seat for you, the other for your sadness, because that’s all you’ll be feeling when you pull up your social media feed and the fomo hits you at full force.  At least there’s a sundae station there to console your broken spirit as you scroll past the seemingly endless hordes of individuals vogueing in fierce fits from far away lands.  While I’m not above cafeteria grade mini cheesecake product, I do prefer the flourless chocolate torte, do you know what I mean?  Don’t we deserve cloth napkins?